Saturday, November 10, 2012

A Modest Proposal for Modern Times

by Lynne LaMaster

The election didn't go exactly the way that most Republicans would have preferred. Now many of them are stating that perhaps it is time to consider bipartisanship. Reach across the aisle, so to speak. After all, even Speaker Boehner has said, "This is your moment to lead, Mr. President."
Ah, yes, let us allow him to lead by example. And his supporters, too.
Of course, as we all know, the President is very fond of saying that he thinks the wealthy should pay their fair share. He has actually said this so many times, it's become a chant amongst his failthful followers. 
So, it is my suggestion that we take him up on this idea. However, we must phase it in carefully, to see if it works. That way, if we find that it is not successful, and that other methods of getting this huge national debt must be employed, we can stop that experiment immediately. 
My modest proposal for modern times is quite simple. I believe that we should have a tax on being a Democrat. 
Now, if one is to listen to the Democrats, they are mostly poor, and in need of handouts, such as free cell phones, and subsidized lodging and food. Therefore, it is to be assumed that their standard of wealth is substantially lower than that of Republicans. 
So, let us suggest that any Democrat making more than $30,000 per year, including all benefits, is considered wealthy, and therefore should be eligible for the Democrat tax. A careful examination of their rhetoric would lead one to figure that such a tax will only affect about 10% of the wealthiest Democrats. 
Therefore, the tax levied on any Democrat should be at 10% for those making from $30,000 to $100,000. Then, in the spirit of paying their fair share, anyone making over $100,000 - surely that will compute to be only 1-2% of all Democrats - should pay an additional levy of 25%, for a total of 35%, which I am quite sure they will do with great cheer and enthusiasm. After all, they will be paying their fair share, and that will make them feel warm and fuzzy inside. 
And, since the Democrats are all so jolly with the concept of earmarks, I believe that we should take advantage of that fine old tradition, too. So, let us attach some additional taxes for these fine folks that wish so dearly to pay more taxes. Hmmm... We will say that any time a Democrat purchases a big-ticket item (defined as anything valued at over $250), such as a new television, or cell phone, or even when they obtains a different vehicle - there will be an additional tax of 7% on those items. If they happen to be fortunate enough to purchase a Chevy Volt, well, let's add on a surcharge of $40,000 to compensate for the government subsidy on the vehicle. The revenues collected on these items will be placed in a special trust fund for Undocumented Immigrants Legal Defense and Catastrophic Health Care. 
Of course, none of this is meant to substitute for the other taxes they are paying already. No, the Democrat tax will be in addition to their sales tax, property tax, Social Security tax, income tax and whatever other taxes they pay. 
And to make sure that their generosity does not go unpunished, the Democrat tax will not include any deductions whatsoever. 
If it is successful in reducing the national debt and creating more jobs, we'll consider sharing this opportunity with other people of different political affiliations. 
So, let's give it a fair trial, a really fair trial. How about testing this theory for, say, the next 4 years, eh?
Lynne LaMaster is the editor of

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